What Failure Taught Me About Growth
Exhibit A : About Me
The number one thing you need to know about me is that I’m always up for a challenge. I like to push myself, and ultimately “prove people wrong” — doing things that they might not expect me to be able to do. I wonder if it’s a result of being bullied as a child (being a nerdy redhead will do that to you lol), but ultimately, I think this feistiness and drive is just in my nature.
Exhibit: I decided to start sewing at the age of 7 and made a dress by myself within a few days.
Exhibit: I loved to write in high school, so I decided to write an entire book (in French, may I add).
Exhibit: I wanted to become a doctor, so I applied to the most competitive program I could think of and pursued it like a madwoman — until I didn’t anymore.
The Problem with Perfectionism
So here’s the thing. Perfectionists are great when they are inherently good at what they do. They hold themselves to a standard so high that they expect only “perfect grades” and resounding success. This pattern is validated by a school system that promotes grades over actual understanding — and so students with the mindset I am describing tend to do extremely well, until they face an unexpected challenge.
For me, that was a pre-med program when I turned 17 years old. As the top student in my high school, I expected my experience in college to be seamless — but I quickly realized it was a whole different ball game. The bell curve I was up against included students who had taken pre-calc in high school, were valedictorians of their cohort and were hungry for success unlike anyone I had ever seen. Although I studied just as hard as anyone else — my issue was that I did not try alternate strategies when my studying methods just wouldn’t make it click. I was convinced that my high school study habits of working harder and longer than the pack would help me end up on top.
They didn’t.
After a few too many panic attacks, the worst grade I’d ever received in a class and convincing myself “I just wasn’t a math person”, I decided to switch to an honours commerce program. The relief was immediate — I could lean on my strong writing and presentation skills, nearly photographic memory and love for reading. I was easily able to achieve a 90+ average and finish top of my class. Looking back, I do think it was the best move for me: I discovered my love for business and marketing and hardly ever looked back.
In fact, in the right circumstances and with the confidence boost I so needed, I actually did well in my subsequent math classes (cal 2 + linear). And most importantly — I enjoyed the challenge. In fact, when it came time to apply to university, I made the decision to retake calculus 1 to appeal my application — and it worked (but that’s a story for another time).
So Why Does this Matter Now?
Fast forward through a 3-year commerce degree at McGill University, a ~sexy~ internship at a top fashion company and landing my dream job in marketing & customer strategy at Deloitte Consulting, I never really reconsidered my decision to leave sciences so early. In fact, those skills I have continued to hone in on (e.g., management & leadership, public speaking, design, writing/reading, analysis) are what help me succeed in my job day to day.
Not to forget ALL the case competitions
However, I was forced to come to terms with this decision a while back, when my chances of getting an opportunity were contingent upon the evaluation of my quantitative reasoning and logic skills. Although I could get through the challenge on the surface, I struggled with having real agency in the problems I was solving. I felt like a fraud, and quickly realized that my underlying understanding of math was the issue.
My gut was right in this case — this opportunity did not pan out for me because I was lacking quantitative capabilities. In other words, I failed at something because I had chosen to forego an area of study that did not come naturally to me. I had prioritized grades and fleeting self-validation over interest, challenge and growth. Can you think of anything more depressing?
So here I am — a 23 year old consultant with a difficulty understanding inverse proportional relationships, coding logic and percentages (don’t get me started — I know). You may be horrified — as I was when I came to this realization. However, I was lucky to have discovered a Ted talk as I was going through this process.
A Crash Course in Growth Mindset
Coined by psychologist Carole Dweck, the concept of the growth mindset studies the notion that individuals’ abilities (e.g., intellect, talent, knowledge) are not finite. Rather, self-improvement and learning is a completely infinite game, where the purpose is the journey instead of the outcome. In this vein, all individuals’ abilities are simply a function of the amount of time and effort a person has spent developing them.
Let me illustrate. Have you always admired pianists, guitar players or violinists? Did you pick up an instrument as a kid and tell yourself you didn’t have “a good ear” or weren’t “musically inclined”? As it turns out, the only difference between you and the people who reach the top of their fields in music (or anything else for that matter) — is that these people stuck to it. Through effort, grit and 10,000 hours of perseverance, these individuals became the musical geniuses that they are because they worked at it.
And the true beauty of it? It’s never too late to develop any skill, capability or expertise. The brain is a mind-blowing organ that will literally transform itself as you learn new things (aka build neural networks). Just ask Angela Duckworth: neuroscientist, achievement psychologist and the author of Grit.
Ultimately, with this mindset in my back pocket, I came to reason that I’m not quantitatively impaired — I’m out of practice. I’ve spent years avoiding a field that challenges me because it effectively challenged my idea of a“perfect” student, and instead focused on a slew of other skills that have served me well. As far as I’m concerned now, a perfect student is simply one that learns the most.
So, What Now?
Did I miss out on a cool opportunity because of this? Perhaps. Does it really matter? Not so much. I’m a firm believer in the saying: “It will all work out in the end. If it’s not worked out, it’s not the end.”
Regardless, I am grateful for the experience and “wake up call” of sorts. I don’t think I would have come to terms with this clear side-effect of my longstanding perfectionism had I not undertaken this process.
However, I have also realized that it’s never too late to learn, improve and grow. As I’ve said, I’m always up for the challenge. Thus, I’m committing my 2021 to learning and development — for my own sake. Specifically, I’ll be catching up on the beautiful world of quantative reasoning, math and logic I’ve missed out on .
Here’s a sneak peek of what I’ll be up to for the next 12 months.
Starting a digital analytics & business intelligence diploma at McGill
Not to mention doing some pretty cool things with Boldest
For the first time in my life, I’m actually enjoying the process of learning (and failing), without caring about a standard deviation or bell curve. Learning for the sake of learning — instead of for a promotion, “A” or new job — is a completely different ballgame. I highly recommend it. In fact, I’ve been able to select areas I’ve always been super passionate about, but have never dared to approach because “I wasn’t an x person”. Looking back, that’s really quite ridiculous.
Parting Thoughts
Did you recognize yourself in this? Or maybe know deep down that you’re not doing what you truly love because you’re scared of failure? Maybe for you it’s public speaking, or art, or graphic design or even emotional intelligence. Whatever it is, there will always be some areas that are underdeveloped as time is a finite resource.
Regardless — this is your sign. Register in a class, read a book or download an app about something you’re passionate about, you’ll be shocked at how quickly you’ll improve in key areas with some deliberate practice.
As a complement to your efforts, I highly recommend you check out Grit, Growth Mindset or any of the resources below. Sometimes it takes an external pressure to help elucidate underlying habits and thoughts, but I really do wish I had come to terms with this sooner.
If you’ve also gone through something like this, feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or via tamara@beboldest.com, I’d love to hear your story!